THE GOOD WIFE TIPS

(This was sent in by a dear friend, Kimani Purity from Kenya. It was written as a rejoinder to a previous work we wrote together. In the appropriate time, that too will be shared here. Many times we both ask: "African Women, where are we going from here?")

As a matter of fact, a friend of mine attended a weekday church service at the invitation of her friend whose theme was ‘family’. Basically, the service or teaching, if you like to call it, was about how men and women should behave in a family. Her crazy self can swears that the male points were less than 10. She swears by that truth. But cross over to the girl’s side! Lord have mercy! “When you’re looking for a mate, boys” the pastor said, “check the dress code. What is she wearing? What does she wear?” The service was in a church that believes that women should never wear men’s clothes. “If she wears trousers or shorts or short things! Put an x and pray for her” he went on.

Apparently, that was not the only cross-worthy kind of a girl who could possibly end up as a prayer item. There was also the girl who could openly say that she was incapable of preparing some meals, possibly because she hasn’t learnt how to prepare them. On this the pastor said, “Ladies, you must learn how to cook. If it is green grams you are preparing, prepare those green grams like your life depends on it. Be the best green gramer your husband has ever seen.” To this, my friend said that she had imagined the husband introducing the wife as follows: “Hail, the queen of green grams!”

Then, there was the lady who was inconsistent in her faith. This one got my friend reeling. “Men, study your mate”, the guy was off to a good start. “With regard to her faith, if in first year she was a deaconess, put a tick. Second year still a deaconess, a bigger tick. Third year, a head deaconess; my brother, that is the one.” Okay, maybe deaconess is the ultimate for them. “Shrugs.” She kept listening. “If in the first year she was a deaconess, tick. If in her second year she slipped…” Before I say what followed, my friend claimed that she was actually waiting for the slippery girl to land in a discotheque or alcohol addiction but no. “If in her second year she slipped and joined the Christian Union.” I kid you not. “If in her third year she again slipped and landed in some other denominations, my friend, put a big cross and pray for that girl.” The service was Adventist, in case you are wondering. The list went on and on and on. In the end, the don’ts of the males happened to be the female don’ts as well and then add much more don’ts to the females.

So basically, my friend tells me that she got out of the service thinking to herself, “Honey, if we are to sum up that family teaching, to be a good wife is to simply not live. Yes. Die or become a zombie.”

THE FITTING PREFERENCES OF MY STATE'S GOVERNMENT

My state government (Imo State precisely) does not find it unfitting to erect monuments of African Presidents but find it fitting to knock down structures for road construction but never complete the roads, thereby causing the blockage of drainages and floodings around town.

My state government does not find it unfitting that our governor hosted two sitting Presidents and one ex-president for his birthday (we are yet to understand the economical import of that action) but find it fitting to provide 300 old, refurbished taxis while almost banning Keke from the state. They have been relegated to remote areas and the effect is that we get to pay more for distances we paid for less with Keke: (They (taxi drivers) have to pay up the one million Naira mortgage on the taxis.) Not excluding the hours of standing in the sun to get taxi and being squeezed into it. (The state of the taxis is a different topic; wait for it.)

My State government does not find it unfitting that there are no companies to profitably employ graduates or at least make the state business ecosystem attractive to investors to come and build the companies but rather find it fitting to keep rendering jobless those who had source of income. Like I've pointed out in an earlier article, Keke transportation is one of the highest employer of labor in my state. By banning Keke, thousands of Keke riders lost their means of livelihood. This is in addition to destroying shops in Douglas to make people pay for shops in an uncompleted market site that is prone to flooding and that is far removed from Owerri municipal.

Today, I heard a loud bang. I came out to see a lot of shops being broken down along PACs to Maris Junction axis. If you are conversant with this road, you will know that this road never experiences traffic; never! You will also know that those roadside shops never constitute any form of nuisance. You will know that those roadside shops are built well into the walls of the hosting compounds, such that they never cause traffic issues. If you live in Owerri, you will know that the cost of renting a shop is outrageous; so having those roadside shanks is the only way for many businesses to survive and make a little profit. If you live in Owerri, you will also know that those roadside shank owners who sell second hand wears, video and audio CDs and fruits are mostly graduates who could not land jobs.

At this rate, what are people actually expected to do in Nigeria? How does the average man on the streets actually survive? The cost of house rent, shop rent and living expenses are so high; employment is at zero level because those with jobs are underpaid and yet the government that is supposed to alleviate the people's suffering is the one propagating it.

If I ever hear anyone complain that Owerri guys are yahoo boys and Owerri girls are runs girls, I'll bite off your ears; especially if you are doing nothing to alleviate poverty levels in this state. Please, stay on your high horse and pocket your righteousness. Lol. Come on, at this rate, what are people expected to do? Stay at home and wait till hunger kills them since they cannot afford shop rents, land jobs, ride their Keke, hawk or sell by the roadsides?

Today, I was so overcome with emotions as I saw the owners of these shank shops hold their hands over their heads; their goods destroyed; their spaces destroyed. I felt helplessness, anger, rage and even tears on my face.  And I asked, how long? How long will people murmur, post on social media and then get used to this new form of oppression? I say it is time for Imo people to protest and to so protest that our government comes to order. If we are afraid of dying, people are already dying in this state out of hunger, frustration and joblessness. So, if we are afraid to die, our sisters and brothers are already dying. 

If we do not rise up and call to order those who claim to have bought our votes and reclaim the destiny of this state, then they will keep raping and ripping us apart.

Onye azu ya di na-ala anaghikwa atu ujo ada.

Igbokwe Vivian Ijeoma

Scriptwriter87@gmail.com