Frank Talk

 Fred just finished speaking with me. He told me about one of our friends who will be getting married very soon. The information rang some bells in my head. “Lady, you are getting old and still unmarried and not very gainfully employed.” Ooh, he didn’t stop there. He told me about that fair and seemingly unserious girl in our class who recently landed a job with Shell Oil Company. “What am I supposed to do with all these information?”  I asked myself. Do what I’ve always done-feel bad, wonder why things are so bad for me; why I’m so unlucky; get depressed and after a while, become fine.

You know, one day, a prophet met with me and told me I needed to go for deliverance because according to him, several spirits were after me. I didn’t understand why those spirits will leave all these very wealthy people in Nigeria to settle on my case. Maybe they are scared of me and of how I’ll bomb their kingdom with fire and atomic bombs when I become rich (*winks* funny but whatever their reasons are for pursuing me). He said by the time we will be done with the prayers, all these wahalas in my life will be in the past and then everything will be fine. I will even get to marry that yellow pawpaw husband I’ve been desiring.  We scheduled the time for the deliverance and he told me the things I should be doing prior to the time.

Luckily for me, Amaka, one of my faithful friends, the one God will specially bless visited. She talked me out of the madness. You needed to see how she laughed me out of my stupingitis. What's the point in spiritualizing things? She asked me. We live in a country where there are not enough jobs for graduates. You not being gainfully employed is not a spiritual problem; it is a national problem; it is an economic problem. Rewind to forty years ago: all our fathers needed to do was graduate from university and their white collar jobs were there waiting. Nigeria had just gotten her independence and all those vacancies left by the Oyibos were available. They never looked into the future. They never envisaged a time where there will be a more number of graduates than they had as a result of population explosion. They never saw a time when their children and grandchildren would become graduates: so there was no plan. Now, there are no jobs for our teeming young population while our country imports virtually everything, including toothpicks. Hello, sister girl, does that ring a bell in your mind.  You don’t have any spiritual problem!  She said.

Come to think of it, she continued, most of our young men, our future husbands don’t have jobs; so how can a young man who can barely feed think of marriage? I know several young men who want to get married like now but they are broke. Can you tell me you don't know any such person? Can you? These guys are our potential husbands but they can't approach us because they are broke.

I'd like to add a third point. We live in a funny world. People rather Facebook, Tweet or Whatsapp than read. In fact, most of our young people know more about the Kadarshians than what is happening in their country's politics (which affects them whether they stay aloof or not.) They would rather read the latest fashion news than how to build a business. There's nothing wrong with tweeting or keeping up with the Kadarshians; however, in all that, a young man/woman should be able to hold his own. They should be able to make intelligent discussions. They should be able to proffer solutions to life’s problems. They should be qualified for these jobs they are searching for; and by qualification, I mean that the whole world should be your classroom. Have a wide knowledge base.

Nigeria may not have enough jobs for us all right now but she has unrestricted internet access. The average Nigerian Youth has a blackberry, a smart phone or a tablet. What are you doing with all these gadgets? Equip you. It's better to be prepared for an opportunity than to start getting prepared when the opportunity comes; it might not wait. So, sometimes, a young man walks up to me,  a few minutes passes and he can't make any other comment beyond admiring my looks. I want to make an intelligent conversation, I want to engage his mind, and he has nothing to contribute. Air heads. Please, don’t tell me about spiritual problem. There's nothing wrong in a lady desiring a man in the same mental class with her or an even higher class.

This is for all my sisters out there who are not yet married and feeling all that pressure-Relax. No matter how it looks now, everything will be fine in its own time. Have I stepped on someone’s toes? How do you tell a 35-year old lady that she will get married in the perfect time for her? The same way I’ll remind her of that 22-year old girl that died during child birth; of that her classmate whose husband uses her as a punching bag and who ran away from her matrimonial home; of that her neighbor whose husband died after five years of marriage leaving her with three kids. The same goes for the guys. The grass is not greener on the other side. Of course, there are people with good marriages and great jobs; however, life is also filled with stories of misfortunes.

The way out-if you are alive, be grateful for it. Give it your best. Look out for more opportunities to move up. Get better. Live with hope. It will definitely get better. Haven't you heard of late bloomers? Sure, they exist. Looking forward to the better you.

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